STEPS TO AVOID MARRYING THE WRONG PARTNER. Marrying the wrong person could be a fatal and destructive step exposing to danger one’s life. There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know the person for marriage.

The incorrect step is to get caught up in the enthusiasm of a budding relationship and completely forget to ask the meaningful questions that help determine compatibility.

One of the biggest mistakes that many young Christians make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know potential suitors.

1. Do Not Marry Possible

Never assume that you can transform a person after marriage. There is no assurance, after all, that those changes will be for the good.

Truly, it’s often for the worse. If you can not acknowledge someone as they are, then never marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, cleanliness, communication skills, etc.


2.  Choose Attitude over Chemistry

A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but attitude keeps it burning.”

The intention of falling “in love” should never be the special motive for marrying someone; it is very simple to confuse infatuation and lust for love. 

The most important attitude traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Never let the rush of love lead you to marry the wrong person.

3.  Do Not Oversight The Emotional Needs of Your Spouse

The important emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The important emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make your woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Affection, Attention, & Appreciation.


To make your man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Reassurance, Respect, & Relief. As long as each spouse is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the relationship will thrive. Working together in this way energized both giving and receiving.

4.  Avoid Opposing Life Plans

In a relationship, you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common goal in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You have to know what the person is into, what they’re ultimately emotional about. Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this emotion?” Is Love Crucial Before Marriage?

The more precisely you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding the one you are most gracious with.

Remember, before you conclude who to take along on a trip, you should first picture out your destination.

5.  Shun Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity

• Recognize that there is amazing wisdom in why God has ordered us to restrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harm as well as to keep sanctified what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

• Whenever a relationship gets physical before its time, essential issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is glamorized and it becomes difficult to even remember the essential issues let alone talk about them.

• Intellectual commitment must be ascertained before emotional or sexual commitment.

6.  Shun Lack of Emotional Connection

There are four questions that you have to answer YES to:

  • Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and consider about this person?
  • Do I trust this person? Can I rely on him or her? Can I believe what he say?
  • Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be myself?
  • Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.”, keep assessing until you truly understand how you feel.

7. Be Kind to Your Own Emotional Anxiety

Look for the following things to avoid end up being in a bitter relationship:

  • Controlling Character: This includes controlling the way you behave and think the way you dress and wear your hair/hijab, and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands.
  • Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who gets angry at you, uses anger against you, and curses at you, etc.

8.  Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Spouse

Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the beginning. It’s very correct to identify what’s bothering you and things that concern you. Then you must have an honest discussion about them.

This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship and to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. Also, it’s important to ask deep questions about each other and see how your partner responds. Never just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

Some Facts About Your Husband You Should Know

9.  Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility

A lot of people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfil them and make their life nicer and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to capture that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.

If you are currently not happy with yourself, never like the direction your life is going now, it’s crucial to start working on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Never bring these issues into your marriage and hope your spouse will fix them.


Pastor, Inspirational and Motivational Speaker

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